Ok, this is me admitting that I'm turning 30 this year. I've protested until now, mostly because, well, screw numbers. They're confusing and distracting, and all that really matters is what "is". And goddamnit, I feel 25.
But I have changed since 25. So what does that mean, really? For the best? The worst? It's really subjective. If we're talking about learned submissiveness, score one for me. If we're talking settling down and hitting the mute button on my crazy level, score one for me too. I suppose life is about choices; about getting by the best we can, and doing the right things whenever possible. But right for whom?
When I was just starting my 20's (and any time I've been under the influence) I had a plan not to have a plan. Why do we need a plan, really? So we can become carbon copies of our parents? How exciting. Bleck. Why does anyone want to see the same things, do the same things, see the same people for the rest of our lives? I thought want and desire was all about what can be learned and explored and found.
So my non-plan was to reject settling down with a job, a car (ok, maybe a car), a house, a man- and just go where I wanted to go, when I wanted to go there. You buy a house, or an expensive car and you are roped into paying for it for the next 5, 10, or 20 years. Which makes you have to have a solid job. And since the economy blows, it forces you into a relationship so you can afford to live comfortably. (Enter children, at any point...) So one day you wake up and you're staring death in the face and you haven't done or seen a fucking thing.
Screw that.
Give me an old VW bus- paid for, of course, and let me loose on the world. I'll hitch up a little tear drop camper on the back and stay where ever I stop. Find a skill and sell it for whatever I need- food, etc. But more than anything, I don't want to feel obligated to stay anywhere any longer than I want to.
Enter my kids.
Ok, a little hitch in the old plan. But why? Cause they need government controlled and propaganda filled textbooks to tell them about life and the world? How better to teach them than in person, through experience and actually seeing the shit- living it. And kids need stability? A myth, created by the man to keep everyone quiet and stablized where they're at.
Enter (republican-as-stable-as-they-come) husband. Ok. I give.
I know I sound a little stoner-y right now, but you can't tell me you haven't even at least considered it.
I have way too much to experience to actually be 30. Jesus, I have so much to do.....
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